Beyond Wedding Vows: Alternatives for Couples Who Want Something a Bit More Them!
Wedding vows are often seen as the emotional high point of a ceremony—personal promises, heartfelt declarations, and sometimes tear-jerking moments. But let’s be honest: traditional vows don’t feel right for everyone. For some, they come across as stiff, overly formal, or just not in line with who they are as a couple.
Even the very word can cause a bit of an ick. And if this is the case for you, then you could use phrases like, our love promises, shared commitments, deepest declarations, pledges, words of devotion, our life intentions, or words from the heart.
If you and your partner want to break from tradition while still honouring the meaning behind the moment, here are some refreshing alternatives to wedding vows:
1. A Story Instead of a Promise
Instead of reciting promises, share the story of how you met, a pivotal moment in your relationship, or something you love most about each other. This not only grounds the ceremony in authenticity but also gives your guests a window into what makes your love unique. I bloomin’ love telling couples’ stories and guests always come up to me after to say they loved hearing their story again as there are always wee bits that get forgotten over time and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get a romantic buzz over a love story of people they are close to!
2. Exchanging Letters
Write each other private letters in advance and read them aloud (or have them sealed and saved to open on your first anniversary). This format allows for intimacy and honesty without needing to fit into the typical vow structure.
I’ve supported a few couples to create their own declarations in a letter for them to read to each other in private with only their photographer (and sometimes me) present. Being so public with everything they want to say to each other can be confronting for some people, so having this private moment can be perfect.
My husband and I dig out our Vows on our anniversary – it’s like a refresher and accountability check as I want to make sure I’m doing what I promised to do to nurture our life and love.
3. Affirmations from the Guests
Turn the moment around—invite your family and friends to share one-word blessings, affirmations, or short pieces of advice. It creates a sense of community and highlights that a marriage isn’t just between two people, but supported by a whole circle of love.
4. Shared Rituals
Instead of words, use a symbolic act: planting a tree, tying a knot, making a cocktail, or even exchanging something meaningful (like favourite books, or hand-written playlists). Actions can often speak louder than vows.
5. Future Vision Statements
Frame your commitments as dreams rather than promises. Talk about what you’re excited to build together, where you hope to travel, or how you imagine growing old side by side.
Example: “I see us still hobbling along being walked by the dog together when we’re 80, arguing over how to hang the laundry.”
6. Shared Playlist or Poem
If music or literature is central to your relationship, pick a favourite song lyric, poem, or even write your own collaborative piece. Reading it together can be a deeply moving alternative to vows.
Final Thought
What matters most is not how polished the words are, but how true the moment feels. Whether you choose stories, rituals, or creativity in another form, the heart of the ceremony is about reflecting your relationship—not tradition for tradition’s sake. For couples who think vows feel too formal, these alternatives can capture the joy, humour, and intimacy of love in a way that feels completely your own.
And if I am your celebrant, I support you to write your own personal commitments during a session with me – all my couples get a Vow Writing Guide too.